should've would've could've
why does this always happen to me?
being second choice was never an option, but it seems to be something I always receive.
& why is this relevant?
I feel like I have always been someone that is looked over. once someone realizes the person they have is not who they wanted, they realize that they actually wanted me. yikes lol.
deep breath in. deep breath out.
anyways hellllo. I just feel like writing letters to the people who could have potentially been mine. this sounds like some to all the boys I've loved before bs, but trust me when I say that writing is the only thing that helps me clear my mind. here I go glhf tldr lol
dear you with the sense of humor,
it's felt like forever since I've restated this story, but it's pretty good. I look back and think about how I thought high school was the end of the world when it's not. the way I start getting interested in people starts off by imagining what we'd be like together; how we would balance each other out and our future. everyone always tell me that thinking about the future prevents me from "going for it." you were probably one of the first people I really thought about my life with. I remember your sense of humor being something I was attracted to, as you were really able to counteract my jokes, even outdo me. but unfortunately I was just seen as your friend. you went around and liked my friends, dating other girls. I remember one time I helped you go through a breakup thinking, wow... I finally have a chance, and then a week later you were dating someone new. by then, I accepted the fact that I only liked the idea of you, us. but I'm glad we didn't end up together because all you ever had was a sense of humor. you only wanted to talk to me because no one else was able to pick you back up whenever you fell.
dear you with the looks,
acting like I liked you started as a joke, but it slowly made me question if we could have been something. you took a full three years to admit it, and ouch. I appreciated your passion, slight humor, and your smirk. I knew I would be able to calm your hot headed-ness because I seem to have that effect on people. there wasn't really much to our story. we always talked to other people, but never each other. I'm glad we can joke about it now. we had our fair share of bad luck.
dear you with jokes,
I used sarcasm as a "flirting" tactic to see if you can deal with it. with you, your quick witted replies was something I was attracted to. the thought of someone being able to keep me accountable was enticing. I don't think I ever had the urge to ever just want someone, but I wanted you lol. deep down inside, we did care about each other, not enough to just cut each other out. I felt like a mom because I always wanted to comfort you. maybe comfort is not the word, and love is the right one. we could've worked out if we tried.
dear you with the talent,
I was never sure what direction I wanted to go with you. a part of me wanted to be with you, but a part of me knew I didn't want to -- the imaginary timeline in my head had no official happy ending. you went back and forth with smothering me with attention and then backing off. I just wanted to be your friend and I knew you wanted something more. you disappeared for a couple months and I accepted it. sorry we couldn't figure it out.
dear my should've would've could've,
I knew we'd work out. that's why I held onto the idea of us for so long. and it is unfortunate that your timing is quite awful because we could've happened. I invested a lot of my emotions with you & I hate to admit that I didn't know why. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to acknowledge my quirks. I knew your thoughts were on someone else. but a part of me knew that you'd eventually figure it out. I wish you figured it out faster since you took a year and some to admit it. I moved on.
I knew it'd be easy to love you at one part of my life; I'm sorry we never got the chance.
deep breath in. deep breath out.
anyways hellllo. I just feel like writing letters to the people who could have potentially been mine. this sounds like some to all the boys I've loved before bs, but trust me when I say that writing is the only thing that helps me clear my mind. here I go glhf tldr lol
dear you with the sense of humor,
it's felt like forever since I've restated this story, but it's pretty good. I look back and think about how I thought high school was the end of the world when it's not. the way I start getting interested in people starts off by imagining what we'd be like together; how we would balance each other out and our future. everyone always tell me that thinking about the future prevents me from "going for it." you were probably one of the first people I really thought about my life with. I remember your sense of humor being something I was attracted to, as you were really able to counteract my jokes, even outdo me. but unfortunately I was just seen as your friend. you went around and liked my friends, dating other girls. I remember one time I helped you go through a breakup thinking, wow... I finally have a chance, and then a week later you were dating someone new. by then, I accepted the fact that I only liked the idea of you, us. but I'm glad we didn't end up together because all you ever had was a sense of humor. you only wanted to talk to me because no one else was able to pick you back up whenever you fell.
dear you with the looks,
acting like I liked you started as a joke, but it slowly made me question if we could have been something. you took a full three years to admit it, and ouch. I appreciated your passion, slight humor, and your smirk. I knew I would be able to calm your hot headed-ness because I seem to have that effect on people. there wasn't really much to our story. we always talked to other people, but never each other. I'm glad we can joke about it now. we had our fair share of bad luck.
dear you with jokes,
I used sarcasm as a "flirting" tactic to see if you can deal with it. with you, your quick witted replies was something I was attracted to. the thought of someone being able to keep me accountable was enticing. I don't think I ever had the urge to ever just want someone, but I wanted you lol. deep down inside, we did care about each other, not enough to just cut each other out. I felt like a mom because I always wanted to comfort you. maybe comfort is not the word, and love is the right one. we could've worked out if we tried.
dear you with the talent,
I was never sure what direction I wanted to go with you. a part of me wanted to be with you, but a part of me knew I didn't want to -- the imaginary timeline in my head had no official happy ending. you went back and forth with smothering me with attention and then backing off. I just wanted to be your friend and I knew you wanted something more. you disappeared for a couple months and I accepted it. sorry we couldn't figure it out.
dear my should've would've could've,
I knew we'd work out. that's why I held onto the idea of us for so long. and it is unfortunate that your timing is quite awful because we could've happened. I invested a lot of my emotions with you & I hate to admit that I didn't know why. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to acknowledge my quirks. I knew your thoughts were on someone else. but a part of me knew that you'd eventually figure it out. I wish you figured it out faster since you took a year and some to admit it. I moved on.
I knew it'd be easy to love you at one part of my life; I'm sorry we never got the chance.
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