with love, love me

so how do you explain to someone that you're sad for no reason? that I want to be alone. but also surrounded by their presence. I want to put out there that I don't think that I would be diagnosed as depressed. I am not sad because of what my life is like because I'd like to think my life is fine and there's nothing for me to be sad over. may I show symptoms of depression? maybe. but honestly I think I'm doing fine and I feel like I just overreact. but sometimes I tell myself, you know what you haven't cried in a while, so you should. then I do. and then the process repeats. why do I do this to myself why do I say I'm fine why am I seeking attention why am I sad when there is nothing wrong why why why why

A bunch of optimistic statements about myself that i did know how to string together: I know I am a lovely person. I always want people to know that I'll be there to listen. I want people to know that when I say "I love myself" it is a joke, but I honestly really do. I feel like my personality attracts people. I am funny. and I hate admitting that. I am good at capturing the right moments. I am photogenic. I am a great performer when I dance. I am aware of people's feelings and try to get a grasp of them. I am extra. I am introverted although people think I’m not. I am a wallflower. I am a procrastinator, but I get it done. I am sarcastic. I have a great imagination. I try to be understanding. I am determined. I know I'm capable of creating great things.

A bunch of pessimistic statements about myself that I did not know how to string together: I.......          ......have this weird conception about myself that i am a lot less worth than what i really am. I know I'm a great person, but i know im not the great(est). PERSONALLY,  IM NOT SO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE. I believe that no one is truly special unless you were given a god given talent. and that's just me being a realist to myself. if I was this so called... "special" why am I be in school trying to pursue something im not even sure I am good at? it's something im trying to force within myself. something im taking a chance in. tbh I just wish that i was naturally skilled in science or math. I feel like I just settled with journalism. creativity is an attribute that I wish I can just study. why does it have to be so difficult. when I think of this, that is when I start to question my purpose. oop that's deep. lol. some days I think im actu...

THANK YOU; to the one who saw potential in me as a friend and ran with it. for realizing that I am much more than a wallflower. I know I unintentially tend to have a wall up, and that threw you off. but im thankful that you noticed that I have a special attribute about myself. I always knew that becoming your friend was out of luck, and sometimes I’m nervous that the luck is going to wear off. I love all of our snap daily vlogs and I appreciate our pep talks to each other about life. thank you for guiding me through my dance career and supporting my growth. sometimes I feel like I hold myself back with you and im sorry; heavy emphasis on /sometimes\. im not so sure how to fix that bc I don't want you to, idk judge? not too sure that's the word. bc you are a wonderful person. and I don't want to disappoint you. im glad that you value our friendship a lot. I do too. also im glad that we make each other aware of where we are in each others lives bc i think that's importan...