with love, love me

"what's going on with you?" they say. "nothing much!" dana replies. BUT THERE IS SO MUCH!! GOING! ON! --------------------------------------------------------- a couple things that have been on my mind: CHICAGO 17 DAYS DUDE. & I STILL HAVE A LOT OF PLANNING FRICK LOL. an internship. I should probably get into that honestly. It's not my first priority though. that isn't good lol.  all the people I said I'd hang out w but never got back to :-( bc laziness/needed me-time how I want to watch my hero academia, but the english dubbed version isn't on crunchy roll. and the effort of reading the captions is so time consuming lol wanting to win a KFT contest getting the opportunity to be apart of [PNG] vegas board omg what lol  wanting to be creative, but not knowing what to create :( Celeste's dog Willie is the only dog that likes me  wanting to take so many dance classes, but is already drained of the four times a week that I do ...

I tell to whomever is reading, not to elicit sympathy, but to show that I, like many others struggle with many signs of depression and come across my occasional thoughts as to why I thought living wasn't worth it. now I believe that it is.

odd. I’m finding myself trying to become more invested into your life, at the same time trying to figure out why. How does one distinguish the difference between a genuine friendship and falling for someone? Because I usually like to establish the friendship early on & then think about what our future entails. It's like, I've got a lot of love for you. and the thing is, you do too. but it's not like that. Sadly, my problem is that every time I discover new characteristics about who and what you like, it has made me want to become the person you desire. Although I do take what you say into consideration, I feel like I am trying to change myself in order for you to like me, like me . I promise that I’m not planning to change anytime soon, but I want you to know that I considered it. I know where our friendship stands and I have a feeling that it's going to stay there. You accepting my imperfections was not something I thought would happen, but it did. And you unde...

I knew loving you would be easy but

so how do you explain to someone that you're sad for no reason? that I want to be alone. but also surrounded by their presence. I want to put out there that I don't think that I would be diagnosed as depressed. I am not sad because of what my life is like because I'd like to think my life is fine and there's nothing for me to be sad over. may I show symptoms of depression? maybe. but honestly I think I'm doing fine and I feel like I just overreact. but sometimes I tell myself, you know what you haven't cried in a while, so you should. then I do. and then the process repeats. why do I do this to myself why do I say I'm fine why am I seeking attention why am I sad when there is nothing wrong why why why why

A bunch of optimistic statements about myself that i did know how to string together: I know I am a lovely person. I always want people to know that I'll be there to listen. I want people to know that when I say "I love myself" it is a joke, but I honestly really do. I feel like my personality attracts people. I am funny. and I hate admitting that. I am good at capturing the right moments. I am photogenic. I am a great performer when I dance. I am aware of people's feelings and try to get a grasp of them. I am extra. I am introverted although people think I’m not. I am a wallflower. I am a procrastinator, but I get it done. I am sarcastic. I have a great imagination. I try to be understanding. I am determined. I know I'm capable of creating great things.

A bunch of pessimistic statements about myself that I did not know how to string together: I.......          ......have this weird conception about myself that i am a lot less worth than what i really am. I know I'm a great person, but i know im not the great(est). PERSONALLY,  IM NOT SO DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE. I believe that no one is truly special unless you were given a god given talent. and that's just me being a realist to myself. if I was this so called... "special" why am I be in school trying to pursue something im not even sure I am good at? it's something im trying to force within myself. something im taking a chance in. tbh I just wish that i was naturally skilled in science or math. I feel like I just settled with journalism. creativity is an attribute that I wish I can just study. why does it have to be so difficult. when I think of this, that is when I start to question my purpose. oop that's deep. lol. some days I think im actu...

THANK YOU; to the one who saw potential in me as a friend and ran with it. for realizing that I am much more than a wallflower. I know I unintentially tend to have a wall up, and that threw you off. but im thankful that you noticed that I have a special attribute about myself. I always knew that becoming your friend was out of luck, and sometimes I’m nervous that the luck is going to wear off. I love all of our snap daily vlogs and I appreciate our pep talks to each other about life. thank you for guiding me through my dance career and supporting my growth. sometimes I feel like I hold myself back with you and im sorry; heavy emphasis on /sometimes\. im not so sure how to fix that bc I don't want you to, idk judge? not too sure that's the word. bc you are a wonderful person. and I don't want to disappoint you. im glad that you value our friendship a lot. I do too. also im glad that we make each other aware of where we are in each others lives bc i think that's importan...

honestly idk lol